Young Widower Dating

Young widows are intrinsically wonderful. Nature gifted them with everything necessary for making the world more perfect with their presence. And first it naturally concerns personal relations - dating and marriage. During the period of courtship for his future bride a man is happy because he knows that his beloved one spent three hours for making herself look extremely sexy. Navigating the dating scene when you're young, and widowed. By By Richard Asa and Special to Tribune Newspapers. Feb 07, 2012 at 2:00 AM. The dating scene is difficult for most to navigate, but.

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When you're dating someone who's lost a spouse or partner, you're entering an area of dating that not many people have experience of. You may worry that this person is always going to be talking about their spouse or that he or she will never give you the type of relationship you want. While those concerns are expected, they're often not the case. Some people grieve over their lost partners, others may not have had the marriage they wanted. More often than not, it's complicated. But your relationship with them doesn't have to be.

Here are 10 tips for dating a widower you should know when starting your relationship:

1. Don't get offended.
It may take a while for you to have a relationship that's as strong as their deceased partner, or you may never be put on the same pedestal. 'When someone loses a spouse, they usually idolize the lost partner on some level, so don't be threatened if they refer to them in adoring ways,' explains licensed psychologist, Dr. Wyatt Fisher.

2. Don't ask for too much information about their spouse.
Being a good listener is key in any relationship, but when you're dating a widower don't dig for information they don't want to share. 'It takes time to get to know someone and understand them,' explains Stef Safran, a relationship expert and dating coach. 'Asking a lot of personal questions is no shortcut.'

3. Take it slow.
Each person is different and it will take time to learn if the person you're with is ready to be in a relationship again, so try to mirror the pace they're taking. 'It wouldn't be any different than dealing with someone who's divorced. It sometimes can take time to see if someone is ready for the relationship that you are,' says Safran.

4. Honor the memory.
Regardless of how often they bring up the deceased, it's important to respect them. 'When they bring up memories of their deceased spouse, be sure to honor them with respectful language, such as ‘sounds like they were a great person' or ‘I'm so sorry for what you're going through,' says Fisher.

5. Watch out for warning signs.
If your significant other is comparing you to their deceased spouse constantly or if there's incessant talk about the death, it could be that they're stuck in grief and it could get pathological. Get out if this sounds like your relationship, explains international dating coach, Cynthia Spillman. 'He or she may not be emotionally available right now, but keep the door open if you want to.'

6. You may not be included.
Be prepared for potential animosity. Spillman says this can come from his former in-laws as well as any children and even friends. 'If they have children, don't try and be their mother [or father]. The best you can hope to be to them is a good friend.'

7. Take honest stock of your expectations.
It's unpredictable and your date may be cycling in and out of the stages of grief, explains relationship expert, Linda F. Williams. 'They may do more talking about their spouse than you might be in the mood to hear. But you'll do the relationship a disservice if you expect them to compartmentalize that part of their lives. Focus on the friendship first. From there you might be more patient as they move through the process of grief.'

8. Watch out for the rebound.
'Sometimes when someone loses a spouse they try to find someone to fill the void. Be careful that person isn't you. Be cautious dating anyone who has lost their spouse within the last 6-12 months,' says Fisher.

9. Don't try to fill a void left by the loss.
Nobody can. That's too much pressure for anybody, and you shouldn't take it on yourself. 'If it appears that he or she is seeking someone to fill a hole their spouse has left, have an honest conversation about the matter. Then, based on that information, you might decide to permanently, or temporarily, end the relationship.' says Williams.

10. Do realize that widowers can make wonderful partners.
'Sometimes there isn't the bitterness that divorce can entail and sometimes there is a chance for their significant other to express that they want them to find love again,' says Safran.

Losing someone is always hard, but losing a spouse is a profound experience that effects much more than your single status. With the loss of a loved one, a whole life can change. When dating someone who's a widower, respect the loss they've experienced and the changes they may have went through or may still be going through. But also respect yourself. It may be that you have a wonderful relationship with a wonderful person ahead of you, or it may be that your time with this person is another chance to grow.

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Hanging in Tammy Hill's home are three photographs: one of Tammy and Mark Mulford on their wedding day, one of Jeffrey and Juanita Hill on their wedding day, and one of Jeffrey and Tammy with their combined family of 12 children. Written in vinyl lettering on the wall beside the images are the words 'All because four people fell in love.'

Jeffrey and Tammy were both widowed fairly young, Tammy at 37 years old with four children (the youngest only 4 months old) and Jeffrey at 52 with eight children. Five years after Mark's death and 18 months after Juanita's, Tammy and Jeff married—a decision they and other young widows and widowers don't make lightly.

The loss of a spouse introduces widows and widowers into a vastly different world than the one they were in previously, and amidst grieving and adjusting to their new lives, they are faced with the question of whether or not to date again. A question that each person handles differently.

A Variety of Pressures

Pressures to date and remarry start in subtle, early ways for widows and widowers. Even the initial act of purchasing a headstone and a plot of land at the cemetery elicits thoughts about future marriage. Some people tried to convince Erica Means Shemwell, who was 29 when her husband passed away, to buy a single headstone, saying, 'You could remarry and spend 60 years with someone. Don't you want to be buried with that person?' On the other hand, 26-year-old widow Meg Monk-Sproul received some criticism for buying a single headstone.

Meg Monk-Sproul with her late husband, Michael Sproul.

'I have every intention of being buried there someday, but life changes sometimes, and I think if I were remarried I would want that last name also on my headstone. I don't think that has any effect on how I feel about my husband, but a lot of people thought that made a difference,' she says.

Even just a few weeks after a spouse's death, some young widows and widowers—especially those without children—have said they were invited to go back to single adult wards or were called to single adult ward callings. But returning to these wards and callings can be difficult for young widows and widowers.

'Single adult wards feel uncomfortable because I'm not exactly single, but I'm also not married, and I'm in a completely different place in life than most young singles,' Monk-Sproul says.

On the other hand, being in a traditional ward as a single individual or parent comes with its own challenges and feelings of displacement that can emphasize the loss.

'In my ward, I am the only single mother. There are older widows, but no solo or single parents with any children at home,' widow Laura Giometta Cleveland says. 'Like other single people say, most lessons and talks are geared toward families. You're a family, but . . . your family feels broken, and not because of anything you did.'

The subtle pressures from feeling misplaced can be heightened by opinions from family members, friends, acquaintances, and even the widows and widowers themselves. Fortunately for Shemwell, she was able to find comfort in the words her terminally ill husband Tony shared with her before he passed.

'Tony wasn't a husband who said ‘No, don't get remarried,' but he wasn't a husband that said ‘Yes, definitely get married,'' she recalls. 'He just said ‘Erica . . . You need to do what you feel prompted to do, and there's no one that can tell you what the right answer is, including myself.''

A Variety of Pressures

Pressures to date and remarry start in subtle, early ways for widows and widowers. Even the initial act of purchasing a headstone and a plot of land at the cemetery elicits thoughts about future marriage. Some people tried to convince Erica Means Shemwell, who was 29 when her husband passed away, to buy a single headstone, saying, 'You could remarry and spend 60 years with someone. Don't you want to be buried with that person?' On the other hand, 26-year-old widow Meg Monk-Sproul received some criticism for buying a single headstone.

Meg Monk-Sproul with her late husband, Michael Sproul.

'I have every intention of being buried there someday, but life changes sometimes, and I think if I were remarried I would want that last name also on my headstone. I don't think that has any effect on how I feel about my husband, but a lot of people thought that made a difference,' she says.

Even just a few weeks after a spouse's death, some young widows and widowers—especially those without children—have said they were invited to go back to single adult wards or were called to single adult ward callings. But returning to these wards and callings can be difficult for young widows and widowers.

'Single adult wards feel uncomfortable because I'm not exactly single, but I'm also not married, and I'm in a completely different place in life than most young singles,' Monk-Sproul says.

On the other hand, being in a traditional ward as a single individual or parent comes with its own challenges and feelings of displacement that can emphasize the loss.

'In my ward, I am the only single mother. There are older widows, but no solo or single parents with any children at home,' widow Laura Giometta Cleveland says. 'Like other single people say, most lessons and talks are geared toward families. You're a family, but . . . your family feels broken, and not because of anything you did.'

The subtle pressures from feeling misplaced can be heightened by opinions from family members, friends, acquaintances, and even the widows and widowers themselves. Fortunately for Shemwell, she was able to find comfort in the words her terminally ill husband Tony shared with her before he passed.

'Tony wasn't a husband who said ‘No, don't get remarried,' but he wasn't a husband that said ‘Yes, definitely get married,'' she recalls. 'He just said ‘Erica . . . You need to do what you feel prompted to do, and there's no one that can tell you what the right answer is, including myself.''

The pressures to date and remarry are there, but ultimately, as Hill says, 'We all have our own stories, and I think it's important to do what feels good for you and not what everyone wants you to do. Let God guide you. Maybe [you] won't ever want to re-date and remarry, and that's okay too.'

The Decision to Date

Two years after Mark's death, Hill still hadn't gone on a date. As a marriage and family therapist, she was well aware of the struggles that come with blending families, as well as the risks involved with introducing a new man into her children's lives. Her concerns, coupled with her grief, made it difficult to consider the possibility of dating again.

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But one day, while visiting Nauvoo, she was running down Parley Street near the Mississippi River when she thought of the early pioneers who were leaving Nauvoo and how hard it would have been for them to get on boats to cross the Mississippi.

'Across the river is unknown, and it's pretty frightening,' Hill says, comparing crossing the river to choosing to date again. 'Yet I knew in the moment that I needed to face the river and move forward and stop staying back where it was comfortable for me.'

Dating Widowers Advice

Dating spot in pacific grove ca. It was that spiritual witness that prompted Hill to date again—one of the hardest decisions she has had to make.

At the beginning of her first date, Hill's date walked her to her car and helped her inside. When he shut the car door, 'I started bawling right there,' she says. 'I thought, ‘What am I doing? Am I cheating on Mark?' It was so weird.'

Young Widower Dating Website

For 35-year-old widower Ryan Blake Comer, the decision to date came after he stood by his wife's gravestone praying. 'A thought came to me: Shannon's progression wasn't stopping just because she passed away, so I needed to find a way to move past her loss and not stay stuck for too long,' he says.

But dating didn't come easy. Comer compares the process to playing a video game.

Widowers Who Hated Their Wives

'You get to a certain level, and you feel really good about yourself, and then the video game crashes and you have to start all over again,' he explains. 'You've done it, so you know it's possible, but you realize how hard it was to get to that point, and so the prospect of trying again is daunting and discouraging.' Full hook up campsites in east riverdale.

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To combat similar feelings of trepidation about dating again, Shemwell decided to take it slow. 'I had to make some friends first and get comfortable with the idea of even talking to men first,' she says.

When it comes to deciding to date again, Hill warns from her professional knowledge and personal experience that widows and widowers should avoid feeling rushed or pushed beyond what they feel capable of doing. Instead of dating specifically to remarry, she suggests approaching dating with the idea of 'I'm just making a new friend' and as an opportunity to dress up and go somewhere fun.

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'Dating should be fun,' she says. 'If it's really something that's uncomfortable or causing a lot of pain, I think [that person] is not ready to date yet. [They] need to want to do it.'